Friday, August 22, 2008

Babies belong in their mother's arms...


Going through this difficult time... we try so hard to focus on the positive. We have so much to be grateful for...we have be so very blessed. Plus, complaining and focusing on the negative makes the minutes seem like days and they drag on and on. And yet...we're human. Steph and I seem to have a lot of talking time lately... long drives to the hospital, quiet moments at Avery's isolet, tired breaks betwen pumping. We try to motivate each other, look on the bright side, comfort and support one another. Most of the time, we just look at each other and laugh...what in the world happened to us three weeks ago!?!?! Sometimes...believe it or not...we actually complain.

I have my own reasons for why this has been hard...but for a minute, I want to give credit to my sweet wife Stephanie. She, like so many other mothers out there in similar situations, deserves a special award. Mothers in general earn a lifetime of gratitude from their children and the fathers of their children for the physical and emotional adventure of pregnancy they enjoy and endure to bring each of us into this life. The prize that waits at that journey's end...is for the mother to take her new child in her arms, and begin this new life together.

But for some moms...the time for them to savor that sweet moment is delayed. I can't tell you how full of gratitude our hearts are that our little Avery is so healthy and growing so strong! But...I can't tell you how difficult it is to see your amazing wife go through all the travails of pregnancy and the miracle of birth...and then leave the hospital a few days later...mother without a child.

Stephanie is so strong. I can't imagine how it must truly be for her. For me...it's amazing to be a part of my child's life at such an early stage...a time that is usually reserved intimately for mother and child. Now, she shares her private time with me and we walk these final weeks together. How do I ever make it up to her? What a gift I have been serendipitously given...but somehow at her expense. My promise to her, is to give her every moment of this life to mother her sweet children till this hole in her heart is overflowing...

I held my baby girl in the moments after her birth, and never wanted to let her go. I thought there would be nothing greater than just holding her in my arms. But then, a few short days later, I saw my wife take her baby in her arms...and the planets aligned in our little universe. This was how it should be, mother and child. There is nothing more right in this world than a baby in its mothers arms. And mothers need babies to hold...

In a perfect world...there would never be a millimeter of plexiglass between a mother and her child... but all the plexiglass in the world can't keep a mother's love from her baby...

So many of you who read this are mothers, with children of your own. I know that they are of all ages from grown to still in the womb. Each of us have our own difficult times to endure in this life...and have advice to give as we learn from them. I don't pretend to know very much at all about this life...but from what I have learned in these few weeks since we have had our baby...I do have this to pass on to you: hold your babies...hold on to them... cuddle them, rock them, tickle them. No matter how old they are...cherish that physical bond you have with them...whether you get it anytime you want...or it's for a few precious minutes twice a week. Don't ever take a single moment of it for granted...

We sit in the dim lights of the NICU and I watch Stephanie hold that sweet little girl and I see my whole world sitting there. The love I can physically feel coming from that little union opens up the pages of my life and I see days to come of laughing and playing, exploring and discovering, achieving and succeeding. There is nothing more that I enjoy nowadays, than seeing my wife hold our little girl. I don't quite understand why things are for us right now they way they are...but I do know this: There is a day coming, not too far off, when this wonderful little mom won't have to put her baby back after holding time. That day will make all of this worth it.

I love you Steph...Avery is the luckiest little girl in the world to have you as her mom.

5 comments:

Dusty + Mary Anne said...

well make me cry right here in front of the computer then...

it really was wonderful to run into you guys at the store. I'm sad that we didn't ever (well I didn't really ever) get to know you guys better...you are two amazing people who I wish were still in our ward so I could try again. I'm so glad though that I can read your blog now.

Those are some really awesome shots of Steph and Avery in there Ryan...we'll have to talk photography some more one day.

Janelle Jensen said...

You guys are amazing it makes me cry every time I read your blog. We love you guys and hope everything is going well.

Lacey Duke said...

Hi guys! Thanks for commenting! Congratulations on your new little bundle of joy! You guys are an inspiration and so strong. It probably doesn't feel like it sometimes though. I'm so glad Avery is doing well. I hope she continues to do so. Thanks for your thoughts. You will be in our prayers!

Kylie said...

I'm right there with Mary Anne! (as in crying right in front of the computer :)) As I hold our little girl, I realize how lucky we really are! You guys are definitely A LOT, A LOT stronger than I am, that's for sure. I'm not sure that I could keep the positive outlook you have...even during the rough times! We hope that everything continues to go well.

kathleen said...

Tears..big tears...are running down my cheeks right now. Ry, I sit here amazed thinking about how much you have grown in the past three weeks. I am SO PROUD of you and the patriarchial role you have moved right into naturally. You are SUCH a sweet little daddy and I am amazed at the depth of your love for your sweet wife and baby. Steph, you as well amaze me. You are such a strong, brave, sweet, loving momma and I love you more each day:) Avery, you are one lucky little girl to have these WONDERFUL parents! Love forever, Aunt Kath